May 2010
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Stephen Fry's popular technology blog is now... →
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“He knew he never could jingle change in his pocket or park his car like a...”
– The Liar
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Stephen Fry: What is the longest animal in the world? Or which is the longest animal in the world, if you prefer?
Bill Bailey: The common or garden domestic cat.
Alan Davies: It's about that long, though.
Bill Bailey: Yes. But when you stretch 'em out! Have you ever held a cat up under its arms like that? It's massive.
Alan Davies: But a blue whale would be longer than that!
Bill Bailey: Yes, yes! But in its class!
Alan Davies: If you held a blue whale up, you'd have to stand on a tall building and swing it for hours.
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Stephen Fry: Alan. Donne-moi un mot, s'il vous plaît... Un mot pour un mammifère marin qui ne peut avaler aucun plus grand qu'un pamplemousse.
Alan Davies: Pamplemousse, what's a pamplemousse? Ask the audience, ask the audience.
Phill Jupitus: I think, it's French porn.
Audience: Grapefruit!
Alan Davies: Grapefruit?
Stephen Fry: You see Alan, for the last six years you have yearned for the answer to a question to be, and it never has been...
Alan Davies: The blue whale!
Stephen Fry: And that is the answer! Oh... I asked you, in my broken French, the name... A marine mammal that couldn't swallow anything bigger than a grapefruit.
Alan Davies: Right.
Stephen Fry: And that is a blue whale! You could've had such pleasure and joy.
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Stephen Fry: But one thing Edison did invent, for 100% genuine Edison invention, that we use every day, probably. He invented "hello". H-E-double L-O. The word had existed before as "hullo", H-U-double L-O, which never meant a greeting. It just meant an expression of surprise. "Hullo, what have we got here? Hullo, what's this?" We still use it in that sense.
Bill Bailey: Do we?
Stephen Fry: "Hullo, what's that?" Don't we, Bill?
Bill Bailey: Yes...
Alan Davies: "Hullo!"
Bill Bailey: Yes, when we... when we live our life like a 1950s detective film, yes! I often go to my fridge and "Hullo! We're out of milk! I say, mother, where's the milk?"
Stephen Fry: You beast, you beast, you utter, utter beast!
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“Oh, yes, the poor poet: pity the poor bloody poet. The poet has no reserved...”
– The Hippopotamus (via rowanboat)
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Stephen Fry: Now, although it has been illegal for many, many years, er, some tribal authorities in Nigeria still cling to "ordeal by bean". I want to know what that is.
Arthur Smith: Well, I've certainly had that. When you're, you know, when you're stuck on an aeroplane—
Stephen Fry: Yeah.
Arthur Smith: —and you're forced to watch seven episodes of Mr Bean.
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Arthur Smith: Why doesn't someone else go into making beans? You always hear about Heinz. It's always Heinz. You know, why don't, er—
Alan Davies: Gordon Ramsay. He could do beans.
Doon Mackichan: Ramsay beans!
Stephen Fry: Gordon Ramsay beans!
Doon Mackichan: Yeah. "Fucking Beans", he'd say.
Stephen Fry: It's a brilliant idea for a whole new range of Gordon Fucking Foods, isn't it? Fantastic.
Alan Davies: On the instructions, it'll say, "Put it in the fucking saucepan, you fucking idiot! Show a bit of fucking passion!"
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“What’s great about libraries is that anybody can go into them and find a...”
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April 2010
31 posts
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