Stephen: What’s the ideal way to kiss a Frenchman? I mean as a greeting.
Dara: Oh, yes! It’s two in Paris, three in rural France.
Phill: And now the snogging forecast for France. Brittany: One, some saliva. Paris: Two, occasional tongue. Outlying areas: Four, some pregnancy.

• Stephen: But paper doesn't really beat stone, does it?
• Jo: That's an engineering question I'm not really prepared to answer.

Alan: Why do people think that your cock has to do with your foot size?
Phill: It was a rumour started by clowns.

• Stephen Fry: By the way, does anyone know, incidentally, what is the best opening move of Paper, Scissors, Stone?
• Dara Ó Briain: If you say, "You go first."